The students have been working on their personal narrative project, and we shared some fun (and laughter) discussing the exciting topics of revising and editing a story. The kids had great questions and were very observant as we walked through a first draft scene from one of my upcoming novels, 4 Years Trapped in My Mind Palace. We went through scene step-by-step of the revision and editing process to create a polished story.
At the end, I challenged them to write a 1-3 paragraph scene using the following writing prompt (with a focus on applying the revision and editing steps we discussed).
I ran into the park and saw a person with cotton candy.
Abandoned in the Park - by Gracie D.
I was running through the abandoned park, not expecting to see anybody, when I ran into a little girl. She was holding a fluffy cone of cotton candy that was bigger than her face.
“Are you lost?” I asked her.
She didn’t say anything, but she held her stomach and we both listed to its silent growls.
Forgetting I was running for my life, I grabbed her hand and took her to the fair around the block. I bought her a bag of goldfish crackers but she just stared at them with her big green eyes and her brown curly hair dangling into the bag.
A few minutes later she pointed at a tall man in a black three piece suit. The only word I ever heard her say was, "help."
I’ll never forget her……
Football Player Eating Cotton Candy - by Stefan S.
One day I ran into the park and I saw a football player eating cotton candy. Also he was singing rap.
He was so big and tall. Then he said, "Hey kid want my autograph".
Pecan Creek - by Jenna B.
My friends and I ran into the fall festival all linking arms.
"Look sweets!" My friend, Kianna screamed.
"Ok, chill you blew out my ear drums." Before I could finish she was over at a table full, edge to edge, with sweets.
Payton, the other one, and I ran over to get her. When she turns around she's holding three empty paper sticks. The fourth one she's stuffing her mouth with the pink fuzz that cotton candy is. Her eyes wild and mouth full, she runs off.
Little Lost Girl - by Ana Paula L
"You can't find me!", said my big brother, Bruno.
Then I opened my eyes and didn't see no one. I was looking for him all around.
"Boo! Who said I couldn't find you?"
"All right, my turn!" he said.
Well I am little...wait, I'm sorry, A LOT smarted than my brother so I ran into the park and saw a little girl eating a big and soft pink cloud with a unicorn horn underneath it, or cotton candy for the normals. I realized she was crying so I went to help.
"I lost my mommy!" she said.
Oh, I had to help her, so I saw my brother coming and said, "We have to help this little girl she's lost!."
So we went to a police officer that was right in the corner and we told him what happened, so he hold the little girls hand and started asking questions that I couldn't hear because I was already to far away from them.
"So it still counts, I saw you!" Bruno said.
ONE WEEK LATER
Today was Saturday, I was in the park with my family, so my brother and I went buy some cotton candy for us, that reminded me of the little lost girl that I saw this week.
Then the same police officer came to us and said "Hey! Do you guys remember that little girl that was lost? So her name was Sarah and we found her mom who was looking for her also!"
Wow! Now I really feel good about helping her because if I didn't helped her, who knows what could've happened!
"Hey!" a little voice comes behind me, "Thank you for helping me find my mommy!" said Sarah.